Pressure

Admittedly, I perform better under pressure.

When I decided to explore writing as a career, I immediately signed up for an online creative writing class which begins in January. I also ordered some books and began working on writing prompts. Since then, my job, the one that pays the bills, took over as well as preparing for the holidays. I really haven’t written much despite thinking about it constantly.

I signed up for a creative writing class for 2 reasons. First, I knew I needed to start building a portfolio of writing as well as have that writing critiqued. Second, knowing myself as I do, I knew I needed the pressure of a class, a schedule and deadlines to make myself write. With a full time job, a husband in school full time and a very busy toddler I just don’t have a ton of free time to myself.

Beyond that I really haven’t put any other pressure on myself even though this is something I desperately want. I struggle with follow through sometimes. But not for lack of desire, its mostly due to exhaustion. Often, I’m just too tired. I need pressure to push through and accomplish.

I think somehow my husband knew this, without me ever telling him.

Christmas morning, he gave me the most amazing gift in more ways than one. When I unwrapped the box I was overwhelmed to find a shiny new MacBook Air. My own MacBook was closing in on 5 years old and along with its age, it was giving me trouble. I complained about it but never even thought of getting a new one. My husband said he wanted me to have a new one to take this class & to be a “Harry Potter Mama” as he likes to put it.

At first, I didn’t want it. I felt it was too extravagant, something we couldn’t afford, didn’t really NEED, etc. But then I realized the greater gift he had given me with this shiny new MacBook. My husband has more confidence in me to be a successful writer than I do in myself. How’s that for pressure? That pressure, a good pressure, is what I need to push myself further than I ever have before. And I’ll have him to thank.

How does pressure impact your ability to accomplish your goals? Does it help you or hurt you?

“Courage is grace under pressure” ~Ernest Hemingway

Creative Writing Prompts

I know that to be a good writer, you have to Write. Every. Day.

I have a lot of catching up to do!

In an effort to explore what topics I’d like to write about, what interests me most, & what writing I’m best at, I’ve been using some creative writing prompts (CWP) to get my thoughts flowing and some words on the page. I plan to share those here, with all of you. These posts will be pure and unedited. The prompts may be something I found on the web, in a book or maybe from a comment from one of you. I may edit them or add to them in the future but for now they are what they are. A method for me to explore my writing creatively and see where my mind takes me.

I think the most unnerving part of this entire endeavor is sharing my writing so publicly and seeking input. I’ve never done that before! I’ve never written specifically for an audience and I’ve never received constructive criticism designed to help me improve my writing. I hope to overcome both of these challenges by sharing with all of you. I invite you to add your own responses to the prompts in the comments on these posts. Lets share together and put ourselves out there. We will only grow as writers in the process, right?

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

CWP #2

Jenny slammed the door in John’s face because …………

Jenny slammed the door in John’s face because, in that moment, she didn’t want to see him. She couldn’t see him. Not after everything she had just learned.

Earlier that morning, before the sun rose, she woke to her phone ringing incessantly. She answered, groggily, “Hello??”

The woman on the other end of the line hesitated, then asked, “Is this Jenny?”

Growing impatient at being woken so early, Jenny confirmed to the caller that yes, she was indeed Jenny and she had been sleeping. “Who is this?” she demanded.

“Well, I’m….uh, I think I’m your Mother…”

Jenny’s hand involuntarily lost its grip on the receiver and the phone fell to the floor as Jenny struggled to regain her composure. Picking the phone back up she stuttered “Um, you must have the wrong Jenny. My Mother passed away 3 years ago.”

Jenny hung up the phone, laid back down and closed her eyes. She couldn’t get that woman’s voice out of her head. And the feeling she’d had since she was six years old, that she was adopted, or something. She never knew what it was that made her feel that way. Just this innate feeling deep inside. Her mother always laughed it off when she mentioned it until one day she just didn’t bring it up anymore. But she always felt it.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my Mother. More than anything. She was always there for me no matter what. And when she was diagnosed with cancer I was there for her. Every day, every treatment, every miserable, terrifying moment until she took her last breath. There was just this thread, always hanging there. I wondered about it, asked about it, but was always too fearful to tug on it. But with this one phone call, that thread had been yanked free and now my world was unravelling before my very eyes.

It was true. I had always known, deep down. But why? Did I even want to know why? I’m not sure I did. So when John showed up and knocked on my door I couldn’t talk to him. Couldn’t see him. Did he know, I wondered? I needed to think and I couldn’t do that with him around.

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Why do you think Jenny slammed the door in John’s face?

Passion

How does one discover their passion?

I’ll be perfectly honest here. I don’t really know.

I do know that I have found myself here, at the age of 36, in love with my family and the things we do, explore and discover together. What I don’t love is where I spend the other 40 hours of my week. My work. I don’t really know how I got here. And I don’t want to be in the same place in another 15 years.

That realization is what pushed me to want to discover my passion. I thought about it a lot. I read a bit. What stuck with me most was something I read that said to think back to what I enjoyed the most when I was young. This was hard. I am notorious for having a terrible memory. I talked to my Mom and together we began remembering things. I have always loved animals. That was the easy one. What wasn’t so easy was what I actually spent my time doing.

Writing.

I had forgotten about the books I’d written. The newspapers I worked on in elementary and junior high. I have started several blogs over the years. One, a cooking blog, was quite popular before I abandoned it, something I regret since soon after many began making some serious money with theirs.

So here I am.  Just a mom who wants to be a good role model to her son. To provide for my family in a way that fuels me, not drains me. To show her son that work doesn’t have to make you miserable. If you do something you love, it won’t feel like work.

This blog is about my journey. I’m just beginning. I might share funny stories about my son, my family, our travels. I’d love to share some recipes and talk about my four legged family members. But mostly I want to write. Write about life, love, joy, trials, setbacks, sadness. I’ll be writing about all of it because this is real. This is my journey, a course correction, to find my passion.

What is your passion? What do you do every day to fuel that passion?

“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman